A scent of hope

I guess that sparkle of hope never died inside me. I feel like such a fool, wavering my mind at such a trivial thing. Perhaps it has always been this way, perhaps all the deceives and lies are all inside my mind. I thought too hard and too much again, I have always required absolute confirmation. For my confidence on this issue is so low that I can't barely the slightest uncertainly.

I wonder what would happen if I just come right out and said it. Would it be good or bad? I don't know. Maybe all those book materials and techniques are too advanced for me. It seems that I should just follow the simplest path.

So here I sit, waiting for the moment to take action again. There is no circles, there is no games, at least not at this stage. There is only innocent and pure love.

A touch of freedom

How do I describe it? It was a fleeing feeling, a burst of excitement like electric through out my body. My mind was numb and I just kept on going, that moment I felt free. That if I set my mind to it, I could have done anything I wanted.

It was brief, but it was satisfying. Two years ago I would only ever dream about doing this thing, yet there I was, blowing away the crowd. It felt good didn't it? To do whatever you wanted? I wish to be free of everything that I built to restrict myself and really set me free.

So fate, you leave it up to me. I will be writing my own story from now on.

The world out there

It's a scary thought. I don't know how I feel about it, or should it even matter?

The truth is I am scared. It adds on to my loneliness, desperation some would say. I would not deny them, my heart heart cries out for any sign of approval. I can't even begin to take the first step to approach some one, it really hurts.

I thought I could go on alone, but it's been so long. How would I keep on believing if nothing has been swinging my way? I hate how happy every one is, I hate the bitter feeling that comes up to me whenever I see a couple holding hands. I ask myself over and over and over and over again, why? Why not me? Why can't I? Where is love for me in this world?

I know I am probably thinking too much. I really wish I have the courage to let some one in my heart. I really wish I can break down my wall for the world out there.

I am trying so hard Kim, you would be proud of me right?

Hello good bye

Hello blog, my mind has been a lot busier due to the endless stream of projects. I sure missed you.

Spend most of my day setting up my web project for enterprise application. Configuring Maven 2 took forever. The root of the project requires a POM.xml which governs the the characteristic of compilation of the project. The structure that Maven demands is different than a Tomcat project. Ostensibly, a lot switching around has to be done in hulling the war files into the container. Nevertheless it compiled successfully after two hours of struggling.

I started trying to do windmills recently. My leg is creating enough momentum, as a result, my right low back have had terrible pain for the last two weeks. I have not been swimming much at all due to the intensity of the training. Here is to my new found respect for Bboys.

A few ago, I received an email from Kim. There is still uncertainty within my words, but I think it's clear now. I have moved on and no longer desire her, whatever she does with her life is none of my concern. She is a lovely creature, sure and she understood me so well. She said all the right things, but... I am not sure if I will ever understand her. It's a passing fancy of two lonely hearts, nothing more.

I say this from the bottom of my heart. I am still lonely, plenty of times I would just sit here and long for a companion. But I will not let that feeling cloud my judgement; I am not the person you used to know. I have changed, and so should you. Good bye Kim Daniels, you were my first love.